Signs of a Troubled Sex Life

Sex Life

A healthy sex life isn’t determined by frequency. When it comes to a good sex life, quality is far more important than quantity. If you and your partner are only making love once a month, but you’re both satisfied, you’re doing great.

However, problems arise when you or your partner aren’t satisfied, emotionally, mentally, or physically. If you’ve noticed any of these issues in your relationship, consider scheduling a couples’ counseling session with the team at North Brooklyn Marriage & Family Therapy.

One person does all the initiating

When you feel like you’re the only one initiating sex, you may be left feeling undesired. While you may want to have sex more often than your partner, you still want to feel like you’re both active and interested participants in your sex life. If you’re the one who always initiates sex, you may end up feeling rejected and resentful.

You don’t talk about what you want — physically or emotionally

There are so many ways to be physically intimate and even more reasons to do it. But if you’re not talking about what you want or need, you or your partner may end up feeling unfulfilled or rejected.

For example, your partner can’t read your mind. You need to tell them that you want to try a new activity or position. They also don’t necessarily know if their seduction technique isn’t working for you. Your partner might love to kiss your neck to turn you on, but it might leave you cold.

Similarly, you might want sex for different reasons. Your motivations for sex can and do change from day today. Like in the early days of dating, one partner might just want to hook up while the other is looking for a relationship. After you’ve settled into your relationship, you can still have different motivations. You might want to have sex to feel good and relieve some stress while your partner is looking for a deeper connection.

You do the same things — every time

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, you figure out what works sexually. Which is great, as you know how to please each other. However, if you’re always using the same moves, it can start to feel mechanical. Repetitive sex can dampen excitement and your desire may dwindle.

Your mind wanders

If you occasionally find your mind wandering during sex, it’s nothing to worry about. However, if you find yourself frequently checking out during sex, and thinking about your to-do lists, Game of Thrones, or work projects, and just waiting for the sex to be over, you’re doing yourself and your partner a disservice.

You don’t feel connected afterward

Every sexual encounter isn’t a great emotional connection, and that’s okay — remember, your motivation for sex is variable. But if neither you or your partner ever talk after sex, you’re missing out on an opportunity to foster intimacy and connection in your relationship. Sex can create a deep connection and allows you to be vulnerable with each other.

You’re not having sex — at all

There’s no specific number of times you should be having sex. But if you and your partners aren’t having sex at all and aren’t being intimate in any way, it could be a sign of a more significant issue.

How to address sexual problems in a relationship

Communication is critical to a healthy relationship and a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Talking to your partner about sex might feel awkward — after all, it puts you in a position of vulnerability. But sharing your feelings and desires can enhance your sex life and the physical and emotional intimacy in your relationship.

If you’re not sure how to start a conversation about sex or if you’ve tried to talk about sex without success, schedule an appointment with one of the relationship counselors at North Brooklyn Marriage & Family Therapy. They offer expert couples’ therapy services and can help you and your partner learn practical communication skills for in the bedroom and every aspect of your relationship.