Relationships have their ups and downs. Which means that despite what you may have been told, relationships are actually hard work. While they shouldn’t always feel like hard work, you and your partner do have to put in the work from time to time. However, sometimes, no matter how much work you feel like you’re putting in, your efforts seem to be thwarted. Even after awhile those same efforts just don’t seem to work like they used to and you just can’t figure out why. You may be doing these 3 things unintentionally.
Keeping Score
While unconditional love is a little unrealistic (you should have some conditions), score keeping is a relationship killer. There are no winners or losers in love and you shouldn’t be creating that dynamic. You and your partner should be on the same team. Instead of keeping score, recognize and understand that the division of labor will never be 50/50. Choose to focus on how you’re working together as a team toward a common goal.
Playing the Silent Game
Staying silent about what is upsetting you isn’t conducive to a healthy, happy relationship. Silencing your self to avoid conflict or to protect your partner’s feelings isn’t doing either of you any favors. Instead of staying silent, speak from your heart. Say phrases like, “I feel” to avoid placing blame on your partner. Phrases like, “when you do x, it makes me feel __” lets them know that specific behavior is tied to a specific emotion.
Deprioritizing Sex
Sexual intimacy is the primary ways couples maintain and sustain a connection. Once sex falls off and becomes less of a priority the relationship begins to become a stressor point. Instead of letting sex fall to the wayside, make it a priority. Sure, there’s nothing sexy about scheduling sex on the calendar but making a set time for sex means both of you are more likely to commit to sustaining a healthy sex life, which ultimately sustains a healthy relationship.
Learning all the ways in which to make your partner feel loved can prove to make the relationship a better experience for both of you. Sometimes though it’s difficult to love your partner for one reason or another and you start to do things unintentionally that make them feel less than. Couples counseling can help both of you reconnect and strengthen your relationship. Contact us today to schedule an appointment.