Mindfulness Group for Stress Reduction

mindfulnessHow often do you stress about something that happened in the past, distracting you from completing a task in the present moment? How often do you stress about a potential outcome of something that has been on your mind for days? Mindfulness is the practice of maintaining awareness of our present sensations, the environment, thoughts, and feelings. Our eight-week mindfulness group will not only teach you how to create a mindfulness practice for yourself, it will dive deep into the educating you about the practical, neurological, spiritual, physiological, psychological and systemic benefits that incorporating a mindfulness practice would bring to you.

“Everything other than this present moment is just a memory or imagination.”

September 30th – November 18th (8 weeks – Wednesdays)
8:30 pm $25 a week to be paid up front $200


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 6: Follow-Up

onlinedating

This is part 6 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Follow-Up

Be honest after Date Number 1 via text.  
How did your date go? Let her know your thoughts and feelings. Most women are dying to know! Do you really want to play the waiting game? No one does. So take some time to process the first date, be confident about how you feel, and then let her know. This is what it means to become emotionally intelligent.

She may not reply, and that is ultimately her choice, not yours. Better she walk away now than hesitantly sticking it out with you for 10 years only to walk out then. Remember, focus on what you can control. Her response or response time is not something you can control. Regardless, you have a bunch more hobby pictures to go take, so don’t dwell on a lack of response!

A male friend of mine almost imploded when I told him I sent a girl a (fewer-than-100-character) text basically stating “I am not planning to pursue this in a romantic sense anymore…” While many guys think “I’ll add her to the list,” — a guy’s personal list made up of women that went on a few dates with him, possibly hooked-up and is now on “stand-by” — these people are playing the text-wait game, sexting-game, indecisive-game, reply-once-a-week-game, and not the let’s-explore-a-potentially-meaningful-relationship strategy.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 5: Presentation

onlinedating

This is part 5 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Presentation

Present your strengths, not your insecurities.
If you’ve had disastrous relationships in the past and you feel hopeless about finding the one, your gut instinct may be to go all-in once you come across someone who shows great potential for a serious relationship. However, it’s then quite possible that your insecurities about finding the one could become apparent and then potentially cause the person you’re dating to run.

There’s nothing wrong with having past relationships that didn’t work out. View them as learning experiences. You may want to make a list of how you present your strengths and how you present your insecurities. The ability to learn from the demise of a past relationship can help teach you how to express appreciation and gratitude for yourself and others. These are strengths that leave insecurities in the dust and help bring out your true self. As your emotional intelligence continues to improve, the person sitting across from you may just say “yes” to that second drink and you can both begin to build your ‘nest.’

Impression vs. Connection
Think about the difference between presenting yourself to impress the other person and presenting yourself to connect with the other person. Take note of what your go-to stories or topics of conversation have been on previous dates. For example, do you find yourself spewing out past accomplishments? Do you find it easier to talk about your possessions or about topics like life plans, goals, or the life transitions you’ve overcome?

I’m not suggesting you open Pandora’s Box on Date One, but vaguely brushing on these connecting topics and deflecting the focus away from seeking validation will kickstart the trust-building whether you’re on Date Number One or Date Number Eight.

Looking for a partner with the intention of long-term relationship growth may be bound to more success if the conversations brought up are meant to connect with the person rather than impress. Tinder is a great place to “impress” your matches, considering Tinder is great for quick and easy hook-ups. If you’re reading this series, though, and used to be into the quick hookups, shine some awareness on this tip as a key transitioning tool. This may be one of the most common aspects of dating that men I’ve spoken with don’t pay attention to when they decide it’s time to look for something serious.

Be sure to also ask your date connecting questions and to practice active listening — meaning, listen to learn and understand your date, not to compete with your date. If you experience some social anxiety, you’ll start to notice how much better your conversation will flow by asking connecting questions. Of course you’re going to be talking about yourself on a date, just gauge how often you’re hearing your own voice say things you already know about yourself versus actually learning and connecting with your date.

Check back tomorrow as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 4: Picking the Perfect Location

onlinedating

This is part 4 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Picking the Perfect Location

Surprises are great, but not on a first date.
A surprise location can cause tremendous anxiety for both parties, and leave the unsuspecting person in a position where they may be asked to participate in something they weren’t prepared to do. And while certain personalities would appreciate a surprise first date, play it safe. Leave the surprise for date three or four, when you are both a bit more comfortable and trusting of each other.

Keep the first date location simple but creative.
Yes, it is possible to pick a place that’s simple but also creative. You just need to put some thought into it. Remember, though, that creativity is key. It’s what she will ultimately remember when she’s looking for a second date and her thumb slides up her iPhone, past all the guys who simply took her to the same neighborhood hipster café.

Don’t go too crazy when picking a location, but do keep this in mind: Simple locations with fewer activities will obviously require more conversation to fill the time. Added pressure to keep a conversation flowing can cause anxiety and lead you to seek a distraction to break the silence. Don’t let that distraction be your cell phone. Make a plan right now to put your phone on airplane mode for the entire date. Anything can triangulate relational dynamics, especially cell phone use.

Check back this week as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 3: Making Contact

onlinedating

This is part 3 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Making Contact

The first message: A single sentence or a dissertation?
How long should my first message be?,” is a question I hear often.

If you ever find yourself asking yourself this question, begin by drastically reducing the use of the word “should” from your everyday life. “Should” gets people into trouble. Who’s to say a 433.5-word message will give you the best chance for receiving a reply?

There are so many factors to consider when asking yourself that question—and the answer is simply found in the overall message of this series. Stick to being honest, not oversharing, being creative, and keeping your message positive. By focusing on these values, you are not only practicing effective communication, you are also shifting the spotlight from quantity to quality.

Check back this week as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 2: Setting Boundaries

onlinedating

This is part 2 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Setting Boundaries

Limit yourself to an appropriate amount of people to “first date” at a time
Only you will know how many women you can “first date” at a time before you convince yourself you have prosopagnosia. For me, going out with two or three people at a time, without getting past a third date, is about right. If I get past a third date, however, I generally realize I need to cut it off with the other two women. But if you’re not having any issue “first dating” a multitude of women, you’re honestly probably better off.

Identify your own “dating boundaries”
Set boundaries for yourself before going on any date. The no-kissing-on-a-first-date rule from the man’s side can come off as a test of discipline and a sign of confidence. It can also come off as a sign of shyness or inexperience, depending on the woman’s expectations and past experiences. So if you are someone who always goes in for a kiss on date one, test yourself and hold off until date two or even three. If you are more shy and inexperienced, turn inward and ask yourself, what is truly the worst that could happen, and keep digging deeper using that question. You’ll most likely take your thought process in a circle or realize how ridiculous your assumptions or catastrophization sounds. But again, focus on what you can control and be happy and honest with yourself.

Check back this week as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Tips for Online Dating Part 1: Building a Better Profile

onlinedating

This is part 1 of a six-part series on tips for online dating. Go here for the rest of the series.

Finding a match online that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many people eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating. Take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Building a Better Online Dating Profile

Be Honest With Yourself
Proofread your profile twice before making it live. No, proofread it 10 times. If your profile features even a hint of dishonesty and you just happen to meet the one, don’t be surprised when that comment about being a Scrabble champion comes back to bite you in the ass. You might find yourself playing the game with her family years later, and end up losing because you don’t even know that qi is one of the best words in the game. If you’re not sure that it belongs on your profile, delete it and see “Don’t Overshare” below.

View Vulnerable Moments as Learning Experiences
Get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. You may notice that the more vulnerable details you include about your life, the more you will tend to capture the attention of those who are looking past your profile picture. Vulnerable moments can help you learn about yourself in a positive and honest light as much as they can make you crumble on the spot. For more on this, check out Brené Brown’s TED Talk, The Power of Vulnerability.

Don’t Overshare
Yes, be vulnerable, but don’t give everything up right away. For one, you don’t want your profile to get passed up because it’s TL;DR (too long; don’t read). But more importantly, you want to leave enough mystery so that you are still learning about each other by the tenth date. If it helps, before you start writing your profile, make a list of things you want to deliberately keep in your “mystery box” for later.

Profile Pictures
Don’t overshare here, either. Limit your profile pictures to one of each in the following categories:

  • Face: Show a clear picture of your face from at most a few months ago (remember: honesty!). If you’re experiencing winter, don’t post your peak summer tan (even if you just returned from the BVIs).
  • Posture: Include a picture showing your complete posture, since most likely she wants to see this from you as much as you do from her—there’s no need to leave her guessing. I like to refer to dates between two people who have headshot-only profiles as facedates. If you are struggling with this, turning-inward is the first step to working on the root cause of such insecurity.
  • Social: A picture with friends or family can give off a sense of ease for first-time online-daters hesitant to meet people in person. If you just moved to a new city and haven’t explored the social scene much, or you are distant from friends and family, skip to a hobby picture.
  • Hobby: Add a picture of you actively participating in your favorite hobby. However, note that checking your abs out in the mirror isn’t a hobby, it’s just a skewed reflection. Use good quality pictures and limit your profile to four pictures. Ask yourself why you want to put up more than four strategically chosen photos if you get the urge to do so. If it works out between you and your lucky date, she’ll probably follow you on Instagram within a month or so anyway to see your amazing #nofilter photos.

Don’t Treat Your Profile Like a Resumé
Many of us are entrenched in our work lives and spend a majority of our hours honing the skills that bring us success in our professions. Why not apply these skills and tools to online dating? Although you won’t be negotiating a salary with your date, you both may end up getting great benefits. Take a humanistic approach to your dating profile. Tap into and work on your emotional intelligence. Yes, many people are attracted to high-paying salaries and elite educational institutions, but if you focus on the qualities that make you a well-rounded, organic, and mindful person — like your kindness, sense of humor, or something else — you can always filter your search results for the fancy stuff later.

Check back this week as we continue to dive deep into tips for online dating.

Tips for Online Dating


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

Men Seeking Women: Tips for Online Dating

onlinedating

Online dating can be thrilling, terrifying, both, or anything and everything in between. Finding a match that has the potential to result in a serious relationship can be a daunting task for many people — before you even consider the stigma sometimes still associated with online dating. Many friends, clients, and strangers I’ve spoken with eschew this style of meeting people after years of navigating page after swipe after bad date after face palm. These discouraged folks are usually truly looking for a serious relationship. And, believe it or not, many of them are male.

Whether I’m out paying too much money for brunch with friends or at a park striking up conversation with fellow civilians, as soon as I share my career choice as a Marriage and Family Therapist, the questions start flowing: “What do you think about online dating?”; “Do you spend your sessions talking about your clients’ Tinder dates?”; “Do you see couples who met online and then got married?”

My respective answers: “Loaded question.”; “In some ways, yes.”;  “Absolutely.”

One of the most common themes I observe in males who are looking for a serious relationship through online dating is a lack of emotional intelligence (EI). Online, just as in-vivo, a lack of EI becomes apparent through one’s insecurities and ultimately dishonesty.

In this six-part series I share — and explain!— reasonable, rational tips to help men (seeking women) succeed at online dating.

As I attempt to explain how men (seeking women) can potentially optimize their online game to achieve a serious relationship, take note that many of these tips can be used for anyone—straight, LGBT, male or female. The advice here relies heavily on honesty, boundary setting, effective communication skills, and realistic expectations. Blaming “everyone else” for not being good enough in the dating world (and in other applications of life), doesn’t help change results—instead, turn inward and do a self-check up on communication style.

Tips for Online Dating

Check back Monday-Saturday as we dive deep into each of these tips.

If you get through the series and realize that boundary setting, emotional intelligence, and mindfulness aren’t things you’ve touched upon in your life, therapy may be beneficial to you. Therapy can be a great tool to explore those factors and many more, especially if you’ve dealt with a string of “bad relationships” in the past. Very few people flip the lens around and focus on themselves in a healthy manner when things don’t go the way they want. No therapist will brush you off for wanting to turn inward and grow interpersonally.


Marc Fernandez
provides therapy to individual, couples, and families at North Brooklyn MFT in New York City. Additionally, Marc is co-founder of a health and wellness blog called www.theHumanBluPrint.com, aimed to help people self-educate on how to be the best version of themselves. Give North Brooklyn MFT a call at (718) 785-9718 if you think learning how to “turn inward” may be something you’re interested in
. Read more about Marc

New Moms’ Support Group

New Moms Support Group in Williamsburg starting 4/28

Got gripes about breastfeeding, sleep deprivation, relationship stress? You’re not alone. Join our new weekly, drop-in mom’s group at the King’s Bay Y in North Williamsburg. Being a new mother can be joyful and awe-inducing, but it can also be isolating and stressful. Being able to share your feelings about both extremes can help you feel more supported and understood. This support group will allow you to express your feelings and concerns in a safe space with a therapist and other new moms in the community. This group is run by North Brooklyn Marriage and Family Therapy and is perfect for moms of babies who are under eight months (babies are welcome of course). Second time moms welcome!

Details:

When: Tuesdays ongoing beginning on April 28th from 11am-12pm

Where: King’s Bay Y in North Williamsburg (14 Hope St.)

Cost: $10 drop-in

kristen
Kristien Mosier
has an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. In her role as a therapist, Kristen works to facilitate a greater understanding of oneself and one’s relationships, collaborating with clients to create goals for a more satisfying life — all in a safe, supportive and compassionate environment. Read more about Kristen

Being a mom can be a lonely job

I don’t want to say it’s inevitable, but…okay I’ll say it. In the first few years of your child’s life, it’s possible at one time or another you will find yourself feeling alone in this huge role called motherhood. Perhaps it is one day when your baby has been cranky all day and your husband/wife/partner has been particularly—how can I phrase this gently—disappointing in their co-parenting role. Maybe it’s the time when your so sick and no one is around to help you get through the day chasing around a toddler when you can barely stand up. I’m not talking about the general loneliness of being stuck at home with in infant (although that is surely rough too), but a more desperate feeling of loneliness that clouds in on you like a dark storm.

Millions of mothers have come before you and millions more are yet to be, but somehow in a sea of all those mommies, you feel all alone holding up the world. That’s a rough day, or week, or even month.

If you’re in that cloud right now, I’m here to remind you, this too shall pass, and as lonely as you feel right now, you are not alone. Maybe tomorrow or the next day, or maybe a few months from now, you’ll connect with another mom in a way that you feel understood and supported. Maybe your partner will take your little one for the day and you’ll bask in aloneness instead of loneliness. Maybe you’ll begin to form a community of fellow parents in your neighborhood, and bumping into them on the street will feel comforting. Maybe someone else in your life will be there for you in a way that makes you feel supported and comforted. Whatever it is, you will know, you’re not alone in this job, and because of the loneliness you are feeling now, you’ll be able to recognize a feeling of deep connectedness. Until then, I’m sending you a warm embrace.

kristen
Kristien Mosier
has an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. In her role as a therapist, Kristen works to facilitate a greater understanding of oneself and one’s relationships, collaborating with clients to create goals for a more satisfying life — all in a safe, supportive and compassionate environment. Read more about Kristen

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