Having issues with your partner’s parents is a delicate matter. The last thing you want to do is ask your partner to choose between you and their parents. In many cases, parents of newlyweds feel like they need to advise the new couple on important matters in life. This can be quite stressful for couples.
In this article, we’re looking at 3 ways you can set boundaries without appearing rude or damaging the relationship you have with parents or in-laws.
1. Ask for a phone call before your in-laws drop by your house
If you’re worried about having your in-laws interfering with your daily schedule or if you don’t like the way they try to educate your children, make sure their visits are planned.
Have a conversation with your spouse about your schedule and how you don’t like having someone over who might disrupt it.
A phone call is welcome before a visit. This way, you show your in-laws that your home is yours and they can’t just barge in at any time unless you invite them.
2. Don’t let yourself get drawn into arguments
If your in-laws believe that you need t make certain changes to your lifestyle, or if they believe your parenting style needs improvement, don’t start a fight.
Don’t even entertain the idea. Dismiss it completely. This doesn’t leave any room for arguments or for them to feel like they have power over your emotions and decision making. Don’t budge an inch, and assert yourself as an independent adult.
3. Don’t accept loans or move into their home
Many young couples ponder the idea of living with their parents during the first year of their marriage to save money.
But keep in mind that by doing so you and your spouse will most likely receive more directions than you need regarding your work and lifestyle. This happens because many parents find it hard to let go of their role as guides, even when their advice is no longer needed or is sometimes considered nagging.
Loans can also put you in a difficult spot, especially when they can be brought up during an argument and used as a way to blackmail you emotionally.
Having to deal with difficult in-laws sometimes drains us emotionally and can affect our marriage. If you feel that your boundaries aren’t respected and there’s a lot of pressure being put on your marriage, consider speaking with a professional. It may save your marriage from the pressure your in-laws put on it.