So You Had An Affair… Now What?


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Having an affair can be one of the most traumatic events to happen within a relationship. The trust, foundation, and love that was once there can be shattered. While some couples recover from this type of event, others never do. An affair in a relationship can have extensive consequences that may spread well beyond the limits of the relationship to friends, family members, and even coworkers. There are many reasons why people choose to have an affair. But in the moment of finding out, none of those really matter. So what do you do if you’ve had an affair?


Tell Your Partner

The longer you keep the affair in secret, the more betrayed your partner will feel. As hard as it may feel to tell the truth, it’s better to just get it out in the air. Your partner knows you better than you think they do. So if they feel a change in behavior, they will notice and begin to collect their own data and evidence and come to their own conclusions. Wouldn’t it be better if you were just honest and told the truth?


Offer Answers Before They Ask

You might be tempted to give as little information as possible. Only divulging the fact that an affair happened. But your partner is going to have a lot of questions and limiting the amount of information you give is not going to minimize the damage. Recovering from an affair is more likely and effective when you release all the truth rather than letting it trickle out over time.


Don’t Get Defensive

Your partner is going to have a lot to say to you and it’s all going to stem from a place of pain. Remember that your partner is hurt and they are going to act out in a way that makes them feel most comfortable. This may mean yelling, crying, or isolating themselves. Whatever you do, don’t get defensive and don’t start playing the blame game. Defensiveness or avoidance may send a message to your partner that the relationship is still in danger of being lost.


Honesty is essential when it comes to healing from infidelity in a relationship. Honesty may not feel like the most simple solution but it is the most effective. If you and your partner are struggling with infidelity in the relationship, you two can heal. A professional marriage counselor can give you and your partner a safe space to be open and honest with each other about the future of the relationship. Schedule an appointment with us today to help get your relationship back on track and stronger than before.